Those of you who are parents are saying: "DUH!!!" Maybe even some of you who aren't parents are saying that too, but I am just feeling it especially the last few weeks. It's not just with the addition of an infant to the mix. The toddler stage is so stinking cute and so stinking frustrating all at the same time.
I'm sure that all kids go through this stage to some degree or another. There are so many different philosophies about how to raise your children and the most avid proponents of each philosophy seem to think you're damaging your children if you don't do it their way. Isn't there enough guilt and anxiety in parenting already.
Sometimes it's so hard to not be paralyzed by fear that the next interaction with your child is going to scar them somehow. That someday you'll see them on Oprah, telling the world how their dad is the reason they're in therapy.
OK! OK! I know that last paragraph bordered on the hysterical and was highly exaggerated, but it just helps to put these thoughts down so you can see how silly they really are. I'm not saying parenting isn't difficult. It is. But it's so worth it.
God has given us an awesome responsibility as parents. These helpless little people come into the world totally dependent on us. We just have to do our best to provide for their needs and guide them as they grow. WOW!! Talk about an adventure.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Sibling Rivalry?
One of the things we thought about a lot in preparing for Kyle's arrival was how Ben would handle it. We tried to prepare him as best we could without making him sick of hearing about the baby.
I guess we needn't have worried too much because Ben just seems truly in love with his younger brother. This morning as Mindy and I were getting dressed and ready for church, Kyle was laying in the middle of our bed. Ben came in with his stool and was leaning over the bed sharing his green car with Kyle and "playing" with him. He asked him questions, never expecting an answer and was very concerned that he couldn't get the car to stay on Kyle because it fell off every time Kyle squirmed.
Ben is also very concerned when Kyle gets fussy and has been heard to say "What is it, Kyle? What is it?" in tones very similar to the ones we use. Ben also likes to sing songs to Kyle in the car or when he's on the changing table to help him calm down. At first he sang the old stand-bys, The ABCs and Jesus Loves Me, but lately he has figured out the words to the lullaby that we sing to Kyle and sang to Benjamin when he was little and still sometimes do. It is so sweet to hear Ben's two and a half year-old voice chime in with us as we try to calm Kyle in the car on a long trip, or help him relax when we're changing his diaper. I can't wait to see how this relationship will blossom as time goes by. I'm sure it will not all be this smooth, but it's an awful wonderful way to start.
I guess we needn't have worried too much because Ben just seems truly in love with his younger brother. This morning as Mindy and I were getting dressed and ready for church, Kyle was laying in the middle of our bed. Ben came in with his stool and was leaning over the bed sharing his green car with Kyle and "playing" with him. He asked him questions, never expecting an answer and was very concerned that he couldn't get the car to stay on Kyle because it fell off every time Kyle squirmed.
Ben is also very concerned when Kyle gets fussy and has been heard to say "What is it, Kyle? What is it?" in tones very similar to the ones we use. Ben also likes to sing songs to Kyle in the car or when he's on the changing table to help him calm down. At first he sang the old stand-bys, The ABCs and Jesus Loves Me, but lately he has figured out the words to the lullaby that we sing to Kyle and sang to Benjamin when he was little and still sometimes do. It is so sweet to hear Ben's two and a half year-old voice chime in with us as we try to calm Kyle in the car on a long trip, or help him relax when we're changing his diaper. I can't wait to see how this relationship will blossom as time goes by. I'm sure it will not all be this smooth, but it's an awful wonderful way to start.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Grandpa, you need to get into Grandma's Van and go home.
Ben is not a big fan of sleeping and so nap time has been reduced to quiet time. Which translates to quiet time for Mom and play time for Ben in his room most of the time.
Sometimes when my parents are over they like to lay down with him and try to get him to fall asleep at nap time or help him fall asleep faster at bed time.
Ben understands that what this really means is they are going to keep him in bed for naptime or bedtime and he can't play until they leave the room. So this all leads up to the other night when my parents watched Ben and Kyle while Mindy and I went out for dinner.
We got home right around bed time and Mindy went in to nurse Kyle while my parents finished Ben's bedtime story and prayer. Soon my mom came out and told us that my dad was laying down with him for a while. We heard some talking come from Ben's room every once in a while and eventually my dad came out a little red-faced from trying not to laugh.
"I just got told where to go," he said. Apparently after they had been laying there for a couple of minutes, Ben told him "you need to get into grandma's van and go home and sleep in your bed." So much for bed-time cuddling with grandpa.
My dad said he was reminded of the time when he was little and asked his grandma who'd just walked in the door for a visit if she was going to "stay a whole bunch of days." Apparently he was hoping not, because when grandma was there, he wasn't allowed to swim in the wading pool in the back yard and he was hoping she'd leave sooner rather than later.
I guess it's true that what goes around comes around.
Sometimes when my parents are over they like to lay down with him and try to get him to fall asleep at nap time or help him fall asleep faster at bed time.
Ben understands that what this really means is they are going to keep him in bed for naptime or bedtime and he can't play until they leave the room. So this all leads up to the other night when my parents watched Ben and Kyle while Mindy and I went out for dinner.
We got home right around bed time and Mindy went in to nurse Kyle while my parents finished Ben's bedtime story and prayer. Soon my mom came out and told us that my dad was laying down with him for a while. We heard some talking come from Ben's room every once in a while and eventually my dad came out a little red-faced from trying not to laugh.
"I just got told where to go," he said. Apparently after they had been laying there for a couple of minutes, Ben told him "you need to get into grandma's van and go home and sleep in your bed." So much for bed-time cuddling with grandpa.
My dad said he was reminded of the time when he was little and asked his grandma who'd just walked in the door for a visit if she was going to "stay a whole bunch of days." Apparently he was hoping not, because when grandma was there, he wasn't allowed to swim in the wading pool in the back yard and he was hoping she'd leave sooner rather than later.
I guess it's true that what goes around comes around.
Blocks and the Bible
This morning after Ben and I had spent some time playing with the standard bridge that he likes to build with his blocks, I suggessted that we could build a house.
He liked the idea and so we started to build a house. Once we had walls up and had decided where the door would be, we built a bed and a chair. Then Ben went and got his little Spider-Man action figure and he put him on the bed. That lasted for a few seconds and then Spider-Man got up and sat in the chair.
Ben said, "He's going to read for awhile. "
When I asked him what he was going to read, he said "The Bible."
How cute is that?!
He liked the idea and so we started to build a house. Once we had walls up and had decided where the door would be, we built a bed and a chair. Then Ben went and got his little Spider-Man action figure and he put him on the bed. That lasted for a few seconds and then Spider-Man got up and sat in the chair.
Ben said, "He's going to read for awhile. "
When I asked him what he was going to read, he said "The Bible."
How cute is that?!
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Taking Deep Breaths
Before Benjamin was born, we attended a parenting seminar at our church called Parenting with Love and Logic. One of the key things that we learned from that was for dealing with whining voices. Basically you respond to a whining voice by saying "It's hard for me to understand what you're saying when you use that voice. Can you try to ask me again in a normal voice?"
As we started to use this technique with Benjamin, I found that the hardest part was to get him to stop crying when he was upset or overwraught about something he needed help with. So I decided to teach him how to take deep breaths. It started with me modeling it for him and asking him to repeat it after me. He did well and it wasn't too long before he would do it himself when I told him I couldn't understand his whining voice.
Now he uses them himself without us even having to say anything most of the time. I even see him do it sometimes when he's starting to get frustrated about doing something. He'll stop, take a couple deep breaths very dramatically, and then come ask Mindy or I for help. It's so exciting to watch him apply things he's learned in new ways and really start thinking for himself.
As we started to use this technique with Benjamin, I found that the hardest part was to get him to stop crying when he was upset or overwraught about something he needed help with. So I decided to teach him how to take deep breaths. It started with me modeling it for him and asking him to repeat it after me. He did well and it wasn't too long before he would do it himself when I told him I couldn't understand his whining voice.
Now he uses them himself without us even having to say anything most of the time. I even see him do it sometimes when he's starting to get frustrated about doing something. He'll stop, take a couple deep breaths very dramatically, and then come ask Mindy or I for help. It's so exciting to watch him apply things he's learned in new ways and really start thinking for himself.
Friday, October 07, 2005
When will it come out mommy?
Sometimes we just don't think about the literal meaning of things we say, but leave it to a toddler to bring us back to reality. Case in point happened at lunch a few weeks ago when Mindy had a song stuck in her head. She mentioned this to Ben and he sat for a few minutes and then looked at her very concerned and asked, "When's the song going to come out of your head, mommy?"
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Ain't Bein' a Dad Great
I mentioned a while ago that we were expecting our second child soon and it has finally happened. Here is what it's all about. Aren't kids great. I love being a dad!
Our estimated due date was on September 21st and we were bracing ourselves to go long since Ben had been born 11 days past his estimated due date. Mindy had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions off and on for two weeks or more before the due date, so I foolishly got my hopes up. The due date came and went with no change in the contractions, but I kept thinking today's the day...
Finally on Sunday afternoon they started to get different. Not very regular yet, but stronger. We tried not to get to excited, but we did finally call our midwife and let her know what was happening. Joy, one of the apprentices, came over around 7 and checked the baby's heartbeat and talked with Mindy about how things were feeling. We still weren't certain, but we called our parents as well, to give them the heads up that it might be happening.
After Joy left, we took a walk and then put Ben to bed. We got ready for bed ourselves and then hung out for a while watching some TV and reading. The contractions seemed to be getting more regular and Mindy was pretty sure she couldn't sleep through them anymore, so we called the midwife again. This was about 10:00 Sunday night the 25th. After we called the midwife I started filling the birthing tub and making calls to our parents letting them know that it was happening. My parents are across town and were coming to help during the labor and Mindy's parents were coming from Idaho so we wanted to give them plenty of time to leave as soon as they could.
About 10:45 the midwife and the apprentices started showing up and by 11:45 my parents had shown up as well. Mindy's contractions were getting harder and she was looking forward to getting in the tub. The tub was ready about 12:30 and Mindy got in it and her contraction pain was eased greatly. She says it's so freeing to be able to just float through the contractions. About 1:30 or so I joined her in the tub and we got down to business. Esme, our midwife had checked her just before we got into the tub and she was 5cm dilated and 100% effaced, so she was just getting down to the hard work. Mindy labored on through the night with the midwife or one of the apprentices coming in every once in a while to check on us and check the baby's heart tones etc.
About 4:45 or so, Mindy all of the sudden said that she felt the urge to push, so we called the midwife and everyone came scurrying in for the final stage. Mindy got onto her hands and knees in the tub to push. Esme and Joy stayed close to check heartbeat and progress, while Ondra was documenting the process. My parents were woken up and my mom came down and held the video camera for a while.
It was all progressing quite well, and we didn't really have a concept of time, but I suddenly realized that we were feeling the top of the head and it was going to happen really soon.
Then at 5:15 am on September 26, 2005, with one push, his head came out and one push later his body came out.
We spent some time in the tub just bonding a little and then my mom and dad brought Ben in and we introduced him to his little brother: Kyle Warren Isom. He was 8lb 2oz and 21 inches long.
After we got out of the tub and cleaned up we went up to our bedroom to rest and have Kyle checked out. My dad fixed us breakfast and then Esme, Joy and Ondra left and we tried to get some rest. Ben got to spend the day with his grandparents and we mostly recovered. Mindy's parents arrived about 3 o'clock that afternoon and we all had dinner together. It was such a great experience.
I am so amazed at the whole process. My wife is simply amazing. The midwives kepts saying that she looked so mellow; they couldn't believe that she was having hard contractions because she just relaxed right through them and let her body do what needed to be done.
Becoming a father again has made me realize what an awesome gift from God children really are and what an amazing miracle the process of birth is. Not just the physical birth of this new child in our family, but the birth of new relationships. My relationship with Mindy is so much richer for going through this birth together and embarking on raising a new child. My relationship with Ben is better because it's now at a different level. I knew that I wouldn't love him less because I had another child to love, but what I didn't know was that when Kyle was born, I'd love him more. Praise the Lord for blessing me with fatherhood!!
Our estimated due date was on September 21st and we were bracing ourselves to go long since Ben had been born 11 days past his estimated due date. Mindy had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions off and on for two weeks or more before the due date, so I foolishly got my hopes up. The due date came and went with no change in the contractions, but I kept thinking today's the day...
Finally on Sunday afternoon they started to get different. Not very regular yet, but stronger. We tried not to get to excited, but we did finally call our midwife and let her know what was happening. Joy, one of the apprentices, came over around 7 and checked the baby's heartbeat and talked with Mindy about how things were feeling. We still weren't certain, but we called our parents as well, to give them the heads up that it might be happening.
After Joy left, we took a walk and then put Ben to bed. We got ready for bed ourselves and then hung out for a while watching some TV and reading. The contractions seemed to be getting more regular and Mindy was pretty sure she couldn't sleep through them anymore, so we called the midwife again. This was about 10:00 Sunday night the 25th. After we called the midwife I started filling the birthing tub and making calls to our parents letting them know that it was happening. My parents are across town and were coming to help during the labor and Mindy's parents were coming from Idaho so we wanted to give them plenty of time to leave as soon as they could.
About 10:45 the midwife and the apprentices started showing up and by 11:45 my parents had shown up as well. Mindy's contractions were getting harder and she was looking forward to getting in the tub. The tub was ready about 12:30 and Mindy got in it and her contraction pain was eased greatly. She says it's so freeing to be able to just float through the contractions. About 1:30 or so I joined her in the tub and we got down to business. Esme, our midwife had checked her just before we got into the tub and she was 5cm dilated and 100% effaced, so she was just getting down to the hard work. Mindy labored on through the night with the midwife or one of the apprentices coming in every once in a while to check on us and check the baby's heart tones etc.
About 4:45 or so, Mindy all of the sudden said that she felt the urge to push, so we called the midwife and everyone came scurrying in for the final stage. Mindy got onto her hands and knees in the tub to push. Esme and Joy stayed close to check heartbeat and progress, while Ondra was documenting the process. My parents were woken up and my mom came down and held the video camera for a while.
It was all progressing quite well, and we didn't really have a concept of time, but I suddenly realized that we were feeling the top of the head and it was going to happen really soon.
Then at 5:15 am on September 26, 2005, with one push, his head came out and one push later his body came out.
We spent some time in the tub just bonding a little and then my mom and dad brought Ben in and we introduced him to his little brother: Kyle Warren Isom. He was 8lb 2oz and 21 inches long.
After we got out of the tub and cleaned up we went up to our bedroom to rest and have Kyle checked out. My dad fixed us breakfast and then Esme, Joy and Ondra left and we tried to get some rest. Ben got to spend the day with his grandparents and we mostly recovered. Mindy's parents arrived about 3 o'clock that afternoon and we all had dinner together. It was such a great experience.
I am so amazed at the whole process. My wife is simply amazing. The midwives kepts saying that she looked so mellow; they couldn't believe that she was having hard contractions because she just relaxed right through them and let her body do what needed to be done.
Becoming a father again has made me realize what an awesome gift from God children really are and what an amazing miracle the process of birth is. Not just the physical birth of this new child in our family, but the birth of new relationships. My relationship with Mindy is so much richer for going through this birth together and embarking on raising a new child. My relationship with Ben is better because it's now at a different level. I knew that I wouldn't love him less because I had another child to love, but what I didn't know was that when Kyle was born, I'd love him more. Praise the Lord for blessing me with fatherhood!!
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